WOAH- I feel good- du nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh- I knew that I would, now

Come wish me a happy Birthday in my van down by the river.
You know you want to.
It's on the 16th.
The password is "Citrus Punch".
You know you want to come.
Get the free candy.
Down by the river.
You see this object in my hand?
It's candy.
It only looks like a lazer gun that kills people. It's harmless~!